I have written over three drafts to get to this post because… I have been trusted with a monster topic.
Male ideals in the modern times.
Are there any? What the frig is a male principle these days?
As I started picturing what my perception of the ideal guy is these days, I decided to get feedback from men around me as to what they are expected to do, how they feel about themselves and what they STRIVE to be and if they get their ideal anywhere.
I was intrigued because I know a cohesive family unit is pretty rare… and if there’s no father figure then how do my guys know how best to act?
And there’s a ton of women’s support groups out there – from finance, careers, health to getting over douchebags online and just narcissists in general. I know because I was welcomed into a few of those. The point is, I surround myself with relatively healthy guys. The kind that would never try harm a woman… the planet… their friends etc.
I did 2 rounds of feedback and got great answers.
Men want a manual on life. Women…. Intuitively figure out what they’re supposed to do.
So what if between so many changes during the 20th century, the manual has disappeared from the mainstream along with good male figures? Between women’s empowerment, ‘beta’ male figures at home and technology – dudes are a bit lost.
And women laugh but I deeply empathize with these guys because THEY have leadership roles in society that they have absolutely no idea how to proceed with.
The world got complex.
And some of our generation have no resource. How do you lead when you don’t have resource, you’re burned out and have no motivation and actually no time?
That also means you have no voice. Worse case scenario you stop being visible and heard and even seen as relevant.
So that begs the question, please Anna what’s the lifehack to manhood?
What is acceptable these days?
Is there a manual on SAFELY navigating a complex world, being a man in a healthy way and being seen as relevant, powerful and admired?
Yikes even I’m salivating.
So my idea of manhood right now is like this:
Bring people together via purpose, serving community and uniting everyone in terms of a noble, valid, ‘I can improve something’ mission. And that’s generally a goal and a self development strategy in itself because you can’t serve people without changing or showing aspects of yourself first.
And various guys I asked, told me they look up to these figures:
Supermen, samurai, actors, in laws.
Women in the family.
…and there’s definitely been AT LEAST two guys who won’t admit to having a role model/ideal.
Their girlfriends are in major disbelief
Round two of feedback comes in:
BIAS: I avoided Christian men and mainstream culture men for a reason… it’s obvious what they’re ideals are. I wanted the street feedback, the intelligence from guys who don’t seem to have ideals.
From all this evidence… The best kind of male ideal is – healthy, comparing yourself to your yesterday’s self, leading with your heart and communicating. Being present, learn from experience, forgive and build cool stuff for the tribe/yourself/family.
Got this curious bit of feedback:
‘Music was and always is my biggest influence. I was raised off hip hop so my values and beliefs when growing up we’re all hip hop based lol. I never had an older brother or someone to look up to but music was.
So early on people like Snoop Doog, Master P or even Tupac was who I looked up to
Then later on as I got into personal development, I still look up to those guys but from a different point of view.
In personal development, Tony Robbins, my coach Matt Catling, Brendon Burchard, and maybe some others I look up to’
A friend pitched me: You’ve got the lucky job of working out what the message and/or ideal is that men should be aiming for.
Did I come close?