Once upon a time I got emotional watching clips of the Kardashian family before they became so rich that watching them was like trying to understand Picasso’s paintings.
And I said why – about the deep need people have of family, security and this fantasy of having a big family. Whether or not we want to admit it. Deep down, I was mourning a relationship I felt I would never have again.
And not until roughly Christmas time, in mid-flight, I realized how precious life was that even with the best intentions – some relationships have run away.
For instance I used to be best buddies with mum.
The era of us living together in one house was golden. She always wanted to have a girl… and there was nothing to interrupt our girl time until my biological dad showed up.
And me? I missed the excitement, understanding and warmth of a woman who got to travel a lot, was a brilliant friend and one heck of a glamour queen. Kind of ironic seeing as apparently her brother (my uncle) and me got the good looks and I’m fairly low key about my looks – but some people make it work.
There was a certain intimacy that disappeared the moment we tried to fit Europe into our lives. Between unemployment, traditions, culture, finances, failed family relationships, projects like house building, new family, life failures and some daily projections – man it’s been a big upheaval. But on the plus side we learned a lot.
I learned a lot. And I learned to appreciate the moment of ‘working on the making up’ with a relative I once considered myself super close to.
My life ain’t for the weak hearted. And that’s fine.
When you’re young you take a lot for granted:
A warm, supportive family.
Your parent with all their hormones in place… and mind.
Understanding and lifestyle synchronization.
Being a people pleaser… not always the answer.
Health… and wealth. Things change once you start chasing either.
And so in a moment of need I recognized a blessing; being alone with my mum, even for 24 hours of travel (those flights are more precious than a lot of people realize) I felt like we had gone back several years and happily chuckling over horoscopes in bazaar magazine, ordering and sharing our dinners, drinks and asking the big questions which had semi ruined our relationship in between all the heartache**. Not without some retaliation and explanation, but the lines of understanding had been thrown open. It was almost like doing those teamwork exercises where everyone gets thrown in to try communicate and plant some innovative idea.
I realized even in the bittersweet moments there are lessons and blessings: in the midst of some rental issues I got mum to myself. In a world that was familiar to us. And it was like being 20 and 40 again.
And I realized this could be it. One of the few times I’ll have that private moment of intimacy, understanding, safety and shared girl time. Before life erupts again and I’m a mum of 4* with a European husband chasing my authorship and dream businesses… and she’s looking after my stepdad heading into her 60s.
SO WEIRD. But it’s life.
The plus side is that I know no matter what, I’m part of a great family that has my back.
And I know that I have a great mum who will always be reaching out to make sure I’m OK. The next plus I guess – is that I found some gold in more chaos that I had not anticipated. And in a funny, selfish way I was happy with it. Even for as long as the champagne was kicking in.
** plan failures and relationship let downs.
Partially why people ask me for life tips …
*4 kids is a hypothesis, I’m kind of aiming for 2.