I have had some very interesting run-ins this year.
Loss, win, win, loss. Win and loss again. Then win.
It has been a very bittersweet year.
Which is why I want to mention this thing about ‘saying the L word’.
I have had a couple of guys say ‘I love you’ or ‘love you’ at various points in my 20s.
I either wasn’t ready to hear it or I said it first.
I get the impression especially in relationships where you hang out a lot with ANYONE, that saying the L word at any time is fine. There’s some crazy politic about who says what first and I think I agree that there are misogynistic elements to that.
In my realest relationships, I said ‘love you’ first. It would just come out. But regretting it? No.
In fact in my understanding and practices, I always throw caution to the wind. I like to know that whatever happens tomorrow, the person in front of me knows my position and knows I care.
Some pro’s to the case:
Saying it first actually does something quite awesome. You reach an understanding: you acknowledge the truth, you make tension disappear.
Not gonna lie, I hate tension. But if you make feelings known, the tension tends to disappear and people get validation.
People fear rejection like crazy. Saying I love you first kind of puts that away. I know a lot of girls that would get all modest and wait for the guy to say it – I am not one of them. If I feel it, I feel it and say it. Life is too short.
Trust. Because once you say those words, you know that person is either going to show you their feelings, walk away or reciprocate somehow. That is, stay put.
The majority of the time I said “I love you”, this was in my head:
My passion. Ie. I couldn’t stop the statement if I wanted to.
My trust. Ie. I’m sure you feel more or less the same, otherwise I wouldn’t bother saying it.
You mean a lot to me. Meaning, we have a lot in common and I feel supported.
I value your input. I like to think there needs to be friendship in there, so of course you need feedback.
I care about you. Whatever happens to the body, mind and soul – you will be impacted by any negative changes.
I accept whatever package it is that comes with you: lifestyle, nationality, understanding, family. You evolve in life but that doesn’t mean you voluntarily change the person in front of you. I feel like people forget the whole point of relationships. So much attachment! Not enough compatibility going around… or respect like I mentioned here.
According to one expert, there is a package that comes with the words.
This is called meaning: I see you, I accept you, I thank you, I am here for you.
Funniest part is I never thought ‘should I say x now or how do I feel?’
It’s one of those things that is black and white for me. If you don’t feel it, either give it time or stop.
I feel that checking off months may work for some people – it never worked for me. I just say it as it comes.
I once even had a semi freak out when I got ‘darling’ in return from a guy I didn’t expect it from. Because, I said it. It just came out. Would that be the same as ‘I love you’? As the guy in question is very sentimental, I might have to ask 😉