There’s families dealing with famines, droughts, hurricanes and floods.
Me? I had a grandfather pass away in the same week I started a job I had been looking out for, more than several months counting.
It was one bittersweet week. And in April; never liked the month but I found several blessings in it nevertheless. My silver linings game is pretty strong especially when I’m away from family.
Such as this Facebook post:
1. My cousin went to the capital city on her own and her wide eyes taking in city sights were amazing. #lilsisgrowingup
2. I’m surrounded by awesome fire sign bffs and expect my fire sign man to appear any time now. #firesigns4eva
3. With the passing of my grandpa, the ideals that I never had to fight for. Love you grandpa, you’re in the heavens now 🍀 your labours are appreciated. And I will hold them sacred forever. #familylife #support
For a highly intuitive chick that’s an aspiring novelist, I came up with a great crisis cheatsheet.
Candles, dim lighting
Soup, pasta and tea
Toilet paper thick roll of Kleenex tissue
Read some spiritual literature : like marriage under threat, gave me plenty to process.
Talk to spiritual friends: now is not the time for a conflict in value
Keep exercise minimal – decision making and cognitive abilities are fluffy for at least a week so all moderately risky activities like lifting or jogging, must be postponed.
Make a few prayers outside about your blessings
Wash the bedding to have crisp sheets
Of course, having this loss overseas with only wonderful Whatsapp as calls between three close relatives – made me super aware of distance for the first time in a while. The effects of death carried into the great news that I scored a job which met all kinds of desired conditions.
I wasn’t in a ‘temporary’ job which was code for ‘not in profession’ or ‘weird hours’.
I was in a job that had a real title, activities I could like, in a company I had been aiming for since doing an internship. The position gave me all kinds of life. And in a great location too!
However, this relative had a special twist to him. He was my mum’s closest relative by mind, and my first family ideals: the reason I stuck around mum during a split and a big house move – overseas.
The third whammy was that the poor man suffered from pancreatic cancer. That in itself, was a big learning experience for me.
Suddenly I disliked the male social conditioning of having to withstand so much for the greater good (which most men do) and I disliked that the most selfless family man I knew had to suffer so much before a quick death (for which everyone was grateful for).
As the oldest grandkid, I was painfully aware of my position. Not just as the oldest but also of my life’s journey and the point of everything I was doing. The family needed a new mascot of ideals. And it couldn’t be our beloved grandpa, any longer.
And with reflection of my younger days at the village home I felt like my grandpa had judged me harshly, prematurely.
When I was 11, sitting in the kitchen and he had mentioned offhandedly to the family that I wasn’t the best mascot of ideals for the family.
I got judged like crazy when I was little and barely knew myself, super awkward hating school with minimal friends and a total bookworm that got pushed around a lot. Frankly, looking back on my parents temperament, I’m marvelling that I survived. One angry, ‘lazy’ kid that definitely got suppressed in growth towards early 20s.
I realized that how you pick your life partner holds its weight in gold. And better yet, the ideals I grew up to emulate were essentially adoration, resilience and lots of compromise.
I see and I feel people out there searching for ideals they could believe in – real stuff, romantic stuff, something of longevity. And all I want to do is tell them, hey! I have it all! Just freaking believe in your heart! It believes in you!
But I also grew to respect people’s wishes and decisions and space. It helped me… so I help others in this way. I’m also a crazy fire sign at the best of times in case that answers any questions.
My grandpa passing away so soon at 77, so unexpectedly, made me realize I had a new mission in life and I was fine with it. I had been looking for a personal one for a while now.
This had nothing to do with business, money, beautiful rings, passports or bricks.
Actually no, this had something to do with bricks.
But thing is materialism had taught me some time ago, it’s an empty shell if you don’t put blood, sweat and a story behind it.
I knew how much the rare devoted family could put a propeller under you. I decided, surely with my wisdom and a great friendship team I could move the same mountains?
As to focusing on work, that’s exactly what I did. For the first two days I made sure I was comfortable and planned out my meals. God bless my housemate’s stash of freddo chocolate, caramel and brief hugs by my self-made fireplace. His grandparents too, were taken by cancer. Vicious stuff.