Masculinity 101 in the digital age.
Once upon a time a girl found a funny dog meme and sent it to a guy.
He replies with:
‘Ohhh tough life (kissy face kissy face times 4)’
There is a very thick vibe of sensuality, playfulness and hardcore affection and yet in confusion AND knowing that guys don’t know what they’re doing, she asked if the kisses were to the puppy… or to her.
She finds out the guy rarely kisses puppies so the kisses are hers to receive.
In total squeamish fashion the girl thinks about a response for a while. Until she buys a punnet of beautiful strawberries and makes a selfie with them.
Without further ado, she sends the strawberry selfie.
‘Niceeeee’ is the reply she gets back.
Her family friend… an adopted uncle, finds out.
The new housemate knows.
And the first bro knows.
And so do two other close friends.
The new housemate, 25, muses (paraphrased). ‘What could you reply to a strawberry selfie… that’s not the normal reply.’
The girl wants to shake her head, shrug and nod at the same time.
The golden reply, comes from an adopted uncle. A charming, street smart rock-n-roll guy in his middle age who taught her how to tell guys firmly to piss off.
She explains the whole story:
‘I’m not sure if I’m ready to receive this type of thing’
The uncle sighs.
‘Back in MY DAY, a man would establish the relationship he’s having with the girl.’
She rolls her eyes at her first bro who raises his eyebrows and nods.
She starts to make a hyper laugh ‘isn’t that just right, we have a masculine problem’.
One guy, one meme. So much confusion.
And a shorter story with a close girlfriend; having finished a thing with a kiwi who had a 9 year relationship behind him. One shared kiss later, the man realizes he has past issues to confront. Just as that ends, a distraction appears.
Some guy who is easy and fun to talk to, tries to arrange a casual chat and drinks. Some back and forth texting happens; he is busy then comes back accusing my friend for not talking and organising something. And a week later he asks her to pick a comfortable place for a drink.
It does not happen. Because the guy does a bitch move and says he won’t come to wherever my girl asks because of some excuse: bad vibes, not a comfortable area. The distraction quickly becomes a headache and my girl tells me she’d rather a pizza and drinks night at her new place with me. I concur.
Useless, tragic, bitchy men who go back on their words – that’s not human.
And forget about the muscles. Any creature looking relatively masculine or feminine, is still a person with a motive.
And don’t get me started on social media! You know how when you sign up to something, places ask you to type a code to make sure you’re not a robot or some technical ghost?
Are you a bird or a robot? Press 3 for more options.
TRY AGAIN —
In personal missions, there’s filter One; chat via App. Tinder, Plenty of Fish, Bumble…
Filter One Cont; whether you can meet up. Are you valid and who you say you are. Is the conversation flowing.
Filter 2; mutual friends, because that’s a valid person who can care, be trusted and be least flaky.
Filter 3: Facebook/Instagram are quite the holy grail for many because that’s private digital space. Photos, family, friends, colleagues. It’s when you’re sure of a person’s intentions.
And some of these so -called men have the audacity to ask for your profile information without having earned a right to it. That’s way too much access for free. And some demand it.
Being a bitch, a girl, a skirt, a p-ssy – all has the same rhyme.
The man is not being a man. Not working towards a goal, not establishing trust, safety or meaning. He’s doing the opposite; becoming a point of stress, a headache, an indecisive girl with attitude and problems and some bipolar characteristics.
I told my friend, lets do a piss off selfie. Get the dude jealous, mad and spark some short-term curiosity. And that lets some frustration out.
One of the deals in this crazy world – as I told my friend, is lack of accountability.
Words, pictures, swiping and ‘choosing’ is cheap; the market is freakin’ saturated. We’re already talking through videos and dynamic stories that vanish in 24 hours. (that went well, Mr Snapchat guy – now everyone’s got your awesome ideas).
I want to finish on the note that I’ve stated my points in posts like, Calm Down? Maybe A Massage Voucher Would Be More Effective #passionatechicks and I Hope My Guy Doesn’t Mind My Appreciation for Jordan Peterson #frothing plus Love Happens: Unlikely Romances
… But truth is I’m very much about equality and about females also realizing their worth, growing and doing the same with their lives. My housemates and friends tell me amazing stories about their adventures with girls that I can understand, from an angle.
I respect the struggle.
Inadequate males come to my radar because of my friends gossip and the easiest thing – screenshots of chats.
So have you had the same experience?